Did I Just Solve Sex?

We all know what humans need to survive:

Air.

Water.

Food.

Shelter.

And the one nobody likes to say out loud — sex.

The first four we treat as neutral, obvious, even boring.

But sex?

Sex is the only survival instinct we wrap in shame like contraband.

We whisper about it.

We moralize it.

We judge people who want it and judge people who don’t.

We pretend it’s sacred until someone enjoys it, and then it’s somehow dirty.

Making something taboo never kills it — it just mutates it.

Societies have spent centuries trying to control sex because they understood the formula:

Control sex → control families → control society → control power.

Every religion, every political movement, every moral crusade has tried to own sex because sex determines lineage, loyalty, inheritance, culture.

You control reproduction; you control the future.

But the more control we try to impose, the less honest we become.

We tell kids “don’t do it.”

We tell teens “do it, but don’t admit it.”

We tell adults “do it, but only in these ways, under these rules, with these labels.”

And when people fail — because they always will — we act shocked.

Sex shouldn’t be the only human impulse we punish people for having.

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How Taboos Twist Us

Cultures with the strongest sexual taboos consistently report the strangest contradictions:

hidden affairs, secret addictions, more lying, more secrecy, more dysfunction.

Some vague study out of Switzerland hinted at this — nothing formal, nothing I’d footnote — but enough to show a pattern:

When you make sex unmentionable, you don’t get purity.

You get distortion.

Shame doesn’t prevent human behavior.

It just pushes it underground.

And underground is where the dangerous things grow:

silence

ignorance

fear

secrecy

entitlement

confusion

violence

Not because people are inherently bad, but because nobody taught them how to handle something they were already wired to crave.

Rape isn’t caused by lack of access — it’s about power, rage, trauma, dehumanization — but shame absolutely creates the conditions where predators thrive and victims stay mute.

You can’t teach consent if you can’t even say the word “sex” without blushing.

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What If Sex Were Normal?

Growing up, nobody teaches you intimacy.

They teach you math, geography, and how to spell “photosynthesis,”

but when it comes to the thing that will affect every relationship you ever have — silence.

No one tells you how to connect.

No one tells you how to be present with another body.

No one tells you how to communicate desire without shame or fear.

We’re left to learn sex through:

instinct

guesswork

gossip

porn

embarrassment

religion

avoidance

And then we get married and wonder why half the world is confused.

I think about how early that confusion starts.

When I was a kid, I found a dirty picture in the park — crumpled, torn, probably passed around by a hundred other curious kids. I shoved it in my jeans because I didn’t know what else to do.

My mom found it in the laundry.

The reaction wasn’t abusive, but it was explosive — fear, panic, “what did you do?” energy.

Adults shocked that a child found something adults pretend doesn’t exist.

But to a kid, that lands like a conviction:

Sex = danger.

Curiosity = crime.

Your body = betrayal.

Think about what that does to an impressionable mind.

Think about the lessons that get baked in before you even understand what you’re looking at.

Shame gets planted before knowledge ever has a chance.

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Breaking the Cycle: Modeling Desire Without Shame

Shame shaped how my parents reacted.

It shaped how I felt.

But it doesn’t have to shape how I raise my son.

I made a deliberate choice:

No silence.

No taboo.

No pretending that love is something quiet and sex is something dirty.

I model proper desire for him.

Not performative.

Not graphic.

Just human.

I show him — clearly and consistently — how much I love and respect his mother.

I tell her she’s beautiful.

That she’s everything I desire.

And I do it on purpose where he can hear it, just so he can roll his eyes like any sixteen-year-old.

That’s the point.

I hug her in the kitchen.

I flirt with her.

I’ll even pinch her ass when it’s appropriate —

and apologize when I misread the moment.

Because desire isn’t wrong.

Affection isn’t wrong.

A marriage with heat isn’t wrong.

Kids don’t learn intimacy from lectures.

They learn it from watching adults behave like adults:

respect

affection

consent

apology

boundaries

softness

humor

desire without shame

Most boys grow up learning sex as conquest instead of connection.

Most girls grow up taught that desire is something to hide or something dangerous.

If you want healthier adults, model healthier desire.

Not complicated.

Just consistent.

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Should Sex Be a Service?

This is where the conversation gets uncomfortable.

If sex is a basic need — not individually, but species-level — and if it’s a fundamental expression of human connection,

then why do we treat it like something people should “just figure out on their own”?

We have therapy for emotions.

Physiotherapy for injuries.

Speech therapy for communication.

Nutritionists for food.

But intimacy?

The thing people are most confused about?

The thing most tied to trauma, shame, identity, self-worth?

Silence.

And yet, quietly — in the margins, in certain countries — this exists:

surrogate partners

somatic therapists

intimacy coaches

trained practitioners working with trauma survivors or people with disabilities

All controversial, all heavily regulated, all misunderstood.

But they help people.

They teach consent.

They teach touch.

They teach presence.

They teach connection.

They teach people how to be in their own bodies without fear.

Done ethically, it’s therapy.

Done poorly, it’s exploitation.

The point isn’t whether it should be “legal everywhere.”

The point is that the idea shouldn’t shock us.

Sex shouldn’t be the only human experience we expect people to master with zero guidance.

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The Real Problem Isn’t Sex — It’s Silence

Sex is not the enemy.

Desire is not the danger.

Curiosity is not corruption.

Shame is the problem.

Secrecy is the problem.

Silence is the problem.

Taboo doesn’t create purity — it creates ignorance.

Sex should be wholesome, grounding, human.

It should be understood, not demonized.

Discussed, not whispered.

Modeled, not hidden.

We’d be safer, kinder, more connected if we treated intimacy like the survival-adjacent need it is:

Not sacred.

Not dirty.

Just real.

And if you want, you can fact check me.

But you won’t like it.