Equality Is the Enemy of Happiness
Equality is the enemy of happiness.
Okay — hear me out, because that sounds way more explosive than it is.
I’m not talking about rights, dignity, opportunity, or any of the things we fight for in society.
I’m talking about this idea people cling to — that everything in a relationship, a family, or a community should split down the middle.
Fifty-fifty.
Perfectly fair.
Perfectly equal.
It’s bullshit.
What people contribute and what people receive is never equal — and it shouldn’t be.
Not if you want a life that actually works.
Take today.
It’s Sunday.
My wife is hauling up the Christmas tree and decorating the house, and like an asshole, I’m lying on the bed scrolling my phone.
But here’s the truth:
She likes doing that stuff.
She’s good at it.
It brings her joy.
Me?
I hate that shit.
Earlier, I was outside in a foot of snow, dragging the snowblower out of the shed, clearing our driveway and the neighbor’s too — because that’s what I do.
I love working the snowblower.
I’m good at it.
I feel useful.
She’s doing laundry — nobody likes laundry — but later I’ll run errands with my son, and when we get back we’ll fold the laundry together while talking about nothing and everything.
That’s the point.
It’s not about who does more.
It’s not about keeping score.
It’s not about maintaining some perfect ledger that kills marriages and ruins families.
It’s about roles.
It’s about rhythm.
It’s about understanding that the weight moves.
Sometimes she carries more.
Sometimes I do.
Sometimes there’s a manicure in there to balance the week.
Sometimes there’s a snowstorm that knocks everything out of sync.
And some of us — this matters — are wired to do more.
We want to.
We like carrying weight.
We get pleasure from giving and doing.
But here’s where people get twisted.
When everything has to be tit for tat — every favour returned, every debt paid — all you create is pressure and obligation that never had to exist.
That’s not love.
That’s bookkeeping.
And I hate that equality and equity sound so close, because people act like they’re the same thing when they’re not.
Equality is everyone getting the same.
Same rations, same duties, same expectations.
But that’s impossible in real life.
Not everyone has the same capacity.
Not everyone has the same energy or wiring.
So we drift — naturally.
Some pay more.
Some do less.
Some give constantly.
Some receive for long stretches.
The point is the movement — the back-and-forth, the ebb and flow of giving and receiving without fear of “falling behind” or “owing” someone for loving them.
And yeah — there are people who will always give more than they take.
People who don’t keep score.
People who don’t measure love in chores or minutes.
We should all want to be those people.
But there’s another kind — the rare kind — the ones who give everything and expect nothing.
Who don’t ask for praise.
Who don’t demand repayment.
Who can’t be bribed by power or ego.
Those are the ones we should ask to lead.
Because you can’t corrupt someone who genuinely loves to give.
So maybe we all stop tracking who did what and in what time frame.
The student needs more now — so help them.
They’ll prosper, and because they were raised with a hand on their back instead of a foot on their neck, they’ll want to give back later.
That’s how real community works.
But the people who had to do everything alone?
They walk around feeling like the world owes them something — money, influence, respect, admiration.
They think their suffering is currency.
They turn their struggle into a story they use to justify taking more than they ever gave.
What is that?
Nothing.
Just greed wrapped in an underdog narrative.
Real strength isn’t doing it alone.
Real strength is giving — freely, instinctively, without needing a receipt.
That’s the difference between leadership and ego.
Between harmony and resentment.
Between happiness and bitterness.
And if you don’t think so, then fact check me