Stop Looking for the Man in Charge
Okay Mom's this one is for you. Now look i don't like telling women what to do. Honestly it doesn't usually work out well for me when I do. But I need to address something I see all the time. When you challenge the authority of another woman think of the impact this has on your kids especially your daughters. Now I see this at the dojo all the time and I assume you can figure out what it look like.
A woman is in charge — she’s teaching, correcting, organizing the room, leading your kid.
And instead of backing her up, instead of reinforcing her authority, you challenge her… or you start looking around the room for someone higher up.
And let’s be honest — “higher up” almost always means a man.
You start looking for me.
Here’s the thing:
Dude, I don’t run my dojo.
I just teach there.
I just make the pieces move.
She is the authority you’re trying to bypass.
So what exactly do you want from me?
“Yeah, you’re right — the woman who taught the class, organized the curriculum, evaluated your kid, created the systems they succeed in… she’s wrong. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Here’s your kid’s black belt.”
Do you know how stupid that sounds?
But I see it all the time.
A woman leads —
and another woman looks for a man to validate, override, or replace her authority.
Meanwhile your daughter is watching every second of this.
She’s learning:
Women don’t need to listen to women.
Women don’t need to respect women.
Women aren’t the “real” authority unless a man says so.
She learns to question a woman’s leadership on instinct,
but accept a man’s authority without thinking.
You don’t have to say a word — she sees everything.
And here’s the part that always surprises people:
Dads don’t do this.
Dads listen.
They take advice.
They nod, they thank the instructor, and they tell their kid:
“Respect your Sensei.”
“Work harder.”
“She told you what to fix — go fix it.”
Dads don’t play political games.
They don’t scan the room looking for a man to co-sign a woman’s authority.
They don’t undermine her in front of their kid.
They get it.
So ask yourself:
What example are you setting?
Because if you want your daughter to grow into a confident, capable woman who trusts her own voice…
she needs to see you respecting women who stand in leadership right now.
She’s watching you.
She’s learning from you.
And whether you mean to or not, you’re teaching her either how to stand tall —
or how to make other women shrink so she can.
Fact check me.
This is dedicated to all the great women in my life… but Steph, this one is for you.