Why I Talk to Teens Like Adults
(and Why You Should Too)
My son is sixteen years old.
He has the ability to get in a car and drive himself anywhere he wants to go.
But I don’t worry about him when he takes my keys.
He likes telling me where he’s going, what he’s doing, and who he’s doing it with.
My response?
“I don’t care.”
It’s not indifference when I say it.
To paraphrase Ted Lasso (I love Ted Lasso — I want to be Ted Lasso, minus the crippling anxiety),
I care very much.
It’s just that I trust the man I’m raising.
Yes, he’s young.
Yes, he still lacks maturity and experience.
But how’s he ever going to gain those things without trust?
What if he gets in trouble?
Then his mother, his grandparents, his uncles, and I will help him deal with it.
Trying to wrap our children in bubbles does very little to help them grow.
Bubble kids are the first to get in trouble — and usually get in the worst kind of trouble.
Wrap my kid in a bubble? No thank you.
I send my son into the world with the armor he needs to protect himself.
And it starts with trust.
But what if he’s having sex?
Then he’s having sex.
He needs to learn to have agency over himself.
I can only teach him the implications of what it means to be sexually active.
I can only guide him to be safe, kind, and gentle.
The rest is up to him.
And if he fucks up somehow — well, I’m here to catch him.
Always and forever.
My parents didn’t stop taking care of me when I turned eighteen.
Their care just changed — how they loved me changed.
It wasn’t a switch that turned on; it happened gradually, over time.
They didn’t think about it, but I do.
All the time.
Teens don’t need to be told what to do.
They need opportunities to do great things.
So if you send me your teen — or any child, for that matter —
know that they will be loved, respected, and cared for,
with hardly ever a harsh word
(well, maybe they still need a harsh word or two — don’t we all sometimes?).
But harshness isn’t love,
and putting on kid gloves doesn’t help either.
Send me your teen and they may hear a curse word or two —
but learning to properly wield a curse word is a skill I think we all need.
So maybe just say “fuck it”
and talk to your teens like adults.
Who knows what they’ll become.
Don’t trust my science?
Fact Check Me.
